Today is my rough day. I saw Mac at 11:30 and he looked and
felt great and decided to stay the whole day in school!
I, on the other hand, cannot seem to stop crying today. I
don’t know if it is all the anxiety of next weeks MRI or something more. Last
week I got a call from my cousin. I haven’t spoken to him in years and his call
came at just the right moment when I needed a little more support. I
cannot begin to tell you how much his reaching out to me meant. I couldn’t
help but think it was my Nana’s way of letting me know she is with me. Then today
I ran into my dad’s cousin at the grocery store. Another person I had not seen
in many years. I immediately thought of my Nana again. I definitely feel like
she is sending me a message. I just don’t know what it is. I want to believe
that she is just saying she sees me struggling lately and wants me to know she
is with me. I am just so afraid that she is here as support for what may be
coming. I hate living in constant fear of tomorrow. I hate living so afraid of what my family will look like
next month or next year. I don’t know why life happens the way it does or why
we were chosen to travel this journey, but today is one of those days that I am
just trying to survive until I can pick up my boys and go back to pretending
everything is ok.
Please continue to pray for the strength and faith we all
need to get through our journey.
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