Mother's Day came and went this year like any other day in our new life. I was home with Liam in the morning and then went to spend the afternoon with Mac. Liam was not feeling well so I didn't want to bring him to the hospital as planned. Billy and I spent a few minutes together and then he came home to Liam. It is so hard to always feel guilty being with one child that I am not there for the other. When Mac was diagnosed I knew our lives where changed forever. It just seems like as soon as I get my head wrapped around what that means for us something else happens, that makes me realize as bad as it is, it is going to keep getting worse. I have tried so hard to be a pillar of strength and optimism for Mac and Liam. This week I have felt all tapped out. I am so sad and angry this week and not really sure why all of a sudden it has hit so hard. I am hoping this phase will pass quickly and Mac will be home for a couple of weeks so we both can heal from this last round of chemo that has hit Mac so hard. I just don't understand how we can put men on the moon, watch tv from anywhere on our phone, and design cars that park themselves but no one can get a handle on this horrific disease. I hate that Mac is going through this, but even worse, I hate that I can't help him or take this cross that he bears and carry it for him. I hope Mac recovers quickly and I get out of this funk.
The Serenity Prayer
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God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
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Hello my friend. My heart aches for you and your family. It's ok to be angry and mad. Scream into a pillow, eat ice cream, drink a glass (bottle) of wine. It's ok. You don't have to be strong all the time. I never really know the right words to say. All I know is that i wish I could take all the pain and sadness away from you. Big {hugs}
ReplyDeletePraying for all of the above! Mrs. Ruggiero XO
ReplyDeleteBecky you are not traveling this road alone. There are so many friends and family with you and your family. You and Mac are inspirations for us all. You have been so strong and we all applause you for it but do not worry. The moment you feel like it is all to much to carry we all will be there.
ReplyDeleteBecky,
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing advocating for Mac's care. His mental well-being is just as important as his physical well-being as he fights his battle. And so is yours! Dr. Wolfe is a fantastic doctor for recognizing that too.
Just know how amazing and strong you're all being through this. You may not see it, or believe it somedays - but others do. You didn't want this, you didn't ask for this, but you are facing it head on with courage and patience. I'm sorry that the bad days tend to outnumber the good ones. Nobody ever deserves this. You should be mad, angry, sad, at this. Don't ever feel like you shouldn't. This sucks! Scream that from the rooftops without a care in the world.
Love,
Carragh
Good days or bad days you ARE a pillar of strength.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the strongest thing you can do is realize some things are out of your hands, and it's okay if you want to cry or freak out about it.
All in all, you've been amazing since the start of this battle & you shouldn't let anything take that away from you.