3/21/13

Mac is home after a very long week! I cannot find the words to describe the joy I was feeling driving out of the parking garage yesterday when I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Mac’s smiling face. He is still uncomfortable with the bandage on his head covering the incision site and has been having headaches. Liam was a little surprised when he saw the bandage and had a long talk with Billy last night about some of his thoughts and fears about Mac and his cancer. Last Friday was one of the hardest days of my life. Watching Mac have a seizure they could not bring him out of and intubate him was one of the worst things I have ever experienced. I could stop the thoughts in my head from questioning if we had done the right thing in putting his little body through another surgery. Should we have just done the proton radiation? Should we not have pushed so hard to try to get samples in order to get tumor makers? Did we just go too far this time? There is nothing worse for any parent than looking back on a decision and wondering if you did the wrong thing. Mac has been having some headaches. Yesterday he had a pretty bad one and was crying. I climbed into bed with him to hold him. I knew it was bad when he let me lay with him. He said “Why is this happening?” I had no answer for him. I do not know why he has to go through this and may never know. For now we are just trying to get through each day with as little pain as possible. We are trying to get his strength back up so that he can start chemo again, which will put his body through a new hell. We are so fortunate to have so many people supporting us and helping keep Mac’s spirits up. We now are holding our breath and praying this year we will be able to color eggs for Easter at home and both boys will wake up on Easter morning together at home where they belong instead of separated because Mac is in the hospital.