What SHOULD be Mac's 9th birthday...

I have not written on here in so long. For so many months this was my therapy. This allowed me to get out all of my emotions without having to actually vocalize them. As Mac’s 9th birthday approaches I have found myself back on here. I have so many emotions driving through me right now. I keep asking myself how one celebrates the birthday of an angel. How does one celebrate the life of one of the greatest teachers in your life when it was ripped away from you after only 7 short years? I should be spending the day baking a cake for him. I should be wrapping gifts and planning a party. Instead I find myself brought to my knees in pain and longing to just hold him one more time. To tell him how sorry I am for all the pain he had to endure. To tell him how much I miss him and love him. Tomorrow Billy, Liam and I will go to the cemetery to bring him a balloon and birthday candle. We will be forever grateful to have had him in our lives for even a short period of time. Then I will get SO angry because it was not enough. Birthdays are meant to celebrate life. We are so fortunate to be able to do that tomorrow night along with so many family and friends while raising money to honor Mac through a scholarship at St. Margaret School. As we journey through this 2nd year without Mac the reality of life without him is hitting me hard. I will never recover from his loss. I will never be able to give Liam the life he deserves because a carefree childhood for him is forever lost. I will never be the wife, mother aunt or friend I was before. Mac took a piece of my heart with him and I will never get it back. As you go through your day tomorrow please take a moment to whisper a happy birthday to Mac and ask him to send us all a little extra strength to get through it without him.

Memories of Mac

Every day this past year has been difficult without Mac. We have our memories of him, of his strength in the last 16 months of his life, and all of the special qualities that made him unique throughout his 7 years of life.

Mom, Dad and Liam have remained incredibly strong throughout the year. During holidays or other family gatherings, we talk about Mac, we laugh about things he used to do or say, and we know he is with us in a way...just not the way we'd want him to be.

As Mac's auntie and godmother, I would like to do something in remembrance and honor of him on the one-year anniversary of his passing, May 11. Could I ask for your help?

Please, by May 1, send stories, pictures, anything that you would like to share with the Connor family about Mac and how he touched your life. Whether you had the wonderful opportunity of spending time with Mac, or simply heard about him through family members and friends, please send a story.

Send all of these special memories to supermacstories@gmail.com and I'll make sure that Mom, Dad and Liam get each and every one. Please spread the word to others who may want to contribute to this remembrance book.

Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers.

New Year

Today we said hello to the year 2014 and goodbye to 2013. As I look back on 2013 I see a year filled with more tears than I ever knew I had in me. I remember January 17, 2013 when we recognized the 1 year anniversary of Mac’s diagnosis. This was also the day that we knew meant he had lived halfway through the average lifespan of his diagnosis of 2 years. We learned his tumor was no longer responding to his treatment and scheduled his 3rd brain surgery. We also had the privilege of working with Make-A-Wish to go on our one and only trip with just the 4 of us to meet Robert Downey, Jr. His smiles from that trip will forever bring me peace. Knowing that he was able to meet the one person in the world he most wanted to fills my heart with joy and peace. We will forever be grateful to Robert Downey, Jr. and his whole team for moving so quickly and being so compassionate in fulfilling Mac’s dream. Never in my life would I have imagined starting a new year without one of my sons. Saying goodbye to Mac in 2013 was the single most devastating day of my life. I can still feel the pain in my heart as I think back to the very last kiss I was able to give him. The year of 2013 brought so many unwelcomed changes to our family. I pray for the strength and peace to keep going each day and new ways to honor Mac’s life in 2014. May you all find your new year filled with peace, love, health and happiness.