What SHOULD be Mac's 9th birthday...

I have not written on here in so long. For so many months this was my therapy. This allowed me to get out all of my emotions without having to actually vocalize them. As Mac’s 9th birthday approaches I have found myself back on here. I have so many emotions driving through me right now. I keep asking myself how one celebrates the birthday of an angel. How does one celebrate the life of one of the greatest teachers in your life when it was ripped away from you after only 7 short years? I should be spending the day baking a cake for him. I should be wrapping gifts and planning a party. Instead I find myself brought to my knees in pain and longing to just hold him one more time. To tell him how sorry I am for all the pain he had to endure. To tell him how much I miss him and love him. Tomorrow Billy, Liam and I will go to the cemetery to bring him a balloon and birthday candle. We will be forever grateful to have had him in our lives for even a short period of time. Then I will get SO angry because it was not enough. Birthdays are meant to celebrate life. We are so fortunate to be able to do that tomorrow night along with so many family and friends while raising money to honor Mac through a scholarship at St. Margaret School. As we journey through this 2nd year without Mac the reality of life without him is hitting me hard. I will never recover from his loss. I will never be able to give Liam the life he deserves because a carefree childhood for him is forever lost. I will never be the wife, mother aunt or friend I was before. Mac took a piece of my heart with him and I will never get it back. As you go through your day tomorrow please take a moment to whisper a happy birthday to Mac and ask him to send us all a little extra strength to get through it without him.