Thursday, October 4, 2012

October 4, 2012


It has been a while since our last update.  I’m not really sure even where to begin. Physically Mac is doing great. Although his Dr. has some concern he may be developing an ulcer so we will have that checked out next week. Emotionally, we all seem to be on the edge of full blown nervous breakdowns.

Liam was devastated when hearing of the loss of the little girl who had been on the news and met Justin Bieber. He has cried several times over various things that seem to get blown out of proportion and because of his heightened sensitivity hurt his feelings.

 Mac seems to be falling into a depression. I started to notice a difference in him when school started, but it has gotten progressively worse. He has been able to share with me that when he cries it is because he is sad, but does not know what is making him sad.

 I feel like every time we have a few great days and I start to feel like I really got this “new normal” life down, something happens. This new life will never compare to our old life, but we are all still home and together so what is there to complain about, right? That is when I fall apart. That is when something will happen like the doctor suggesting a psych evaluation because clearly Mac is struggling with everything, and who wouldn’t be? That is when I feel so helpless. I just don’t understand why all of this happens to children, why they are made to suffer so much, and why parents have to sit back and watch their children hurt physically and emotionally. It is just so unnatural. I hate that I cannot help him. I hate that I am always one wrong word away from tears. I hate that my children are so sad a lot of the time. Most of all, I hate that I never realized how absolutely perfect our lives where and how I took for granted the joy of having 2 healthy children.  I have learned to let go of planning and have started to try to live in the moment. I will never stop praying for a miracle nor give up on my faith. I just wish I could find some way to get past the sadness and guilt for not being able to give my children the childhood they deserve. 

3 comments:

  1. Becky try not to feel guilty about things you can't control. You had your 'normal' stolen from you and you've all come back fighting every step of the way.

    I know there are a lot of emotions that come up and some I will never understand, but never feel like you're not enough or you're not doing enough. You're fighting in the face of a horrible situation & most people would've already crumbled!

    Always thinking of you guys!

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  2. You my dear a amazing! As well as the rest of your family and that little man who fights every single day! If I could give you even a day of what used to be I would but it still wouldn't be the same having lived what you have now and knowing the road that still lies ahead. What I can give you is my prayers, love and support. If you need a hand, a hug or simply a ear I am hear just waiting for you. We love you all dearly and we will never stop praying and continue to have faith both in a recovery/remission for Mac and that God will hold you all together through this. He gave you us each other after all.
    I love you Becky!!!

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  3. I am so sorry that you boys are feeling so down! It just isn't FAIR!! We were never able to go to Camp Sunshine or Hole in the Wall Camp with Alexander (but we did go to Camp Sunshine afterwards) But I have heard great things about their family camps. Maybe something like that would be good for the boys? Something to get away from it all???
    Prayers for ALL of you!

    Nancy Whipple

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