A letter to my son

My beloved son, Today marks 6 months since I last held you. It has been 6 months since I held your hand as you passed from this life to the next. Six months since I felt your last heartbeat. Six months since our family has been whole. Nothing is the same without you. Our house is void of genuine joy. Where you used to be now is just loss and pain. I wake up every morning and as I open my eyes and look through my doorway, down the hall to your empty bed the pain hits again and again. I am so afraid to forget your smell, the way you felt when you would wrap your arms around me and hug me as tight as you could, and the way the sparkle in your eye would always give you away when you were up to your mischievous ways. We are each dealing in our own ways but are far from getting through this journey with an ounce of the courage you showed in your short life. I would give anything to have you back. You were the best of our family and without you we are lost. Things that used to be so easy like eating and sleeping no longer come easily. Just getting through the day is a daunting task without you here with us. I am a broken shell of a person without your physical presence to teach us how to live each day letting only the truly important things matter. I feel like our family is now a triangle trying to fit into a square peg. Nothing feels right anymore. Please watch over us and guide us through this last leg of your journey. You will forever be one of the loves of my life. I hope you can feel my love where you are and know how very blessed I am to have been chosen to be your mom. You are one of my greatest accomplishments. “I will love your forever, as long as I’m living my baby you will be.” I love you! XOXO Mom